Are my problems BIG enough?
"What problems could you possibly have?"... "Look at all those other people with REAL problems, and here you are moaning about yours!"... These and other similar comments are often the reason why people are afraid to talk about their issues which leads them into keeping it all inside and sends them deeper on the downward spiral.
Self harm is often linked with situations where in people do not find a positive outlet to talk about their problems. However, are they really to blame when there exists such a huge stigma in the society about what problems classify as real and what are just swept under the rug or brushed off as attention seeking attempts or too minor an issue.
For someone who is going through these problems, its not so easy to get up the courage to talk about them. Not only are they worried about the sort of judgement and back talk they will be subjected to, rather, the issue of whether their problem is big enough to be brought to the attention of others or will it even be counted as a real problem or not is also very real.
More often than not people will try to subtly feel out the kind of response they would get from people around them and if they find it to be even slightly negative, they will shut themselves off completely and not attempt to bring it up again. This leads to a lot of anguish and a feeling of not belonging or not being understood and can often push people into darker depression and lead them to try out methods like self injury or self medication to get themselves out of it.
However, always know that no matter how insignificant your problem might seem in the bigger scheme of things, or how much those around you might trivialize them, the fact of the matter is, if its bothering you to this extent, it means that it is a major issue. Your problems do not have to register on the Richter Scale just to be counted as problems.
The reason for this is simple...what counts as a problem is simply something that is bothering you. If it affects your ability to function, if it spoils your mood and if it makes you feel bad , then yes its a real problem and yes you can talk to people about it and not be ashamed.
This is not to say that the other side of the story is not being understood or being disregarded. Yes someone else might have their own issues which they are dealing with and putting your problems on them in those sort of situations is not the right thing to do. So now the new question is.... When and whom do you talk to?
For most problems, you need to talk to someone who understands them. This could be your parents , it could be your friends or even a counsellor. But most importantly, it should be someone whom you can trust to not be judge-mental. Just let them know you want to talk about something that is bothering you, something which is hindering your life and you need their advice, or simply to vent out your frustrations.
From the listeners end, even if you do not agree with the person's view points, just keep an open mind. Understand your limitations, if any, in providing assistance or help to them and if so, then gently guide them towards someone who can help. This could be a parent, counsellor, therapist or even another friend of yours. However, do not break the person's trust and don't force the issue.
More than anything else though, make yourself the priority, understand your own mind frame , triggers and responses before agreeing to help someone else out. But ensure that in your bid to help someone else, you do not end up putting yourself in danger. For example, if you have had bad experiences with, say anxiety, and you feel that someone else describing theirs or talking about it could trigger your own. Then you need to inform them that "Hey, this topic is a trigger for me too, maybe you can talk to someone else about it". Its a good thing to help someone out, but your own mental health needs to take precedence over any support you can offer. After all, you cannot help anyone else if you cant help yourself!
At the end of the day, Everyone is unique, their perceptions of the world and their ways of handling different situations are unique. Rather than shutting them out , we need to embrace these differences and learn to grow as a family and as a community.
Feel free to share your thought in the comments section below!
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