How to deal with Negative Reactions
The wounds heal, the scars become fainter and fainter and the pain becomes almost like a passing thought. You start to think that maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is near...however, the biggest challenge is yet to come: to face the harsh and judgmental reactions of the people around you. They can be your parents, your partners, your siblings, friends or even strangers.
We can dream of a Eutopia where no one will judge us for our past and will take our struggles for what they are, however, most often than not that is not the case. And people react, without thinking about u or sometimes not thinking at all. This is not to say that they are bad people, they mean ill or that we are saints, It is a human folly after all and who is to say, we might have reacted similarly for someone else in some other situation and not have realized it. But today, lets talk about how to deal with these negative reactions in a positive way and to get over them.
First up , parents. While there have been cases of parents really understanding a self harmer's situation and being all nice and supportive and handing out hugs and taking the child to therapy ... unfortunately, more often than not this is not the case. For the parents too, its a huge shock to see their child do that and go through this struggle and sometimes, the shock expresses itself as contempt. Instead of analyzing and working through their feelings, they project them on to you and this leads to angry reactions.
Some common reactions are:
1. Ignoring the signs and continuing life as it is.
2. Being harsh on the child, getting angry and upset with them.
3. Not trusting the child and taking extreme steps like taking away all privileges, punishing them with punishments and removing any and all objects which could be used by the child to hurt themselves with.
4. Seeming to be not bothered by it yet using it as ammunition against the child and humiliating them for it.
All of these situations can be really daunting and can unfortunately affect some if not most people negatively and cause them to fall further into the habit. Thus lets look at how we can prevent the situation from escalating and also how to deal with it in a more positive way:
1. Not to let their anger and words get to u. It is definitely not as easy as it sounds as words do hurt a lot but you need to keep in mind that they have received very shocking news and they have to get over it and process it.
2. Quietly leave the room rather than create a confrontation. Talk to them calmly at a later stage where if your are comfortable, share your experiences with them to help them understand the situation better.
3. Express your needs if any from them and take positive steps and involve them in those activities, being involved in the healing process can be therapeutic for both you as well as for your parents.
4. Talk to a friend or counsellor to help explain the situation to your parents or just to have someone to vent out your frustrations to.
The next reaction can come from your partners, friends, cousins or people you know. While they may not be as harsh as your parents, their reactions can hurt equally as much because these are the people you often rely on and expect them to be in "your corner".
Some possible negative reactions can be:
1. Being weird around you.
2. Bad mouthing u and/or judging you.
3. Shutting u out.
4. Treating u like glass/ with pity.
These reactions are definitely something that no one likes and can pull your mood down instantly. SO lets now look at how to handle them:
1. Providing them with credible resources that can help them understand your issues.
2. Explaining your situation and/or your struggles to them.
3. In case of couples, therapy or counselling for you and your partner can also help in improving the situation.
But at the end you have to remember that you have to be your first priority. Keeping in mind the fact that you are only human and cannot appease everyone, focus on getting yourself better before you try and tackle your relationships. An effective but somewhat harsh remedy to this situation will be to at-least temporarily, cutting off the negative influences in your life and focusing on your health - both physical as well as mental.
Some ways to do that would be:
1. Make a schedule and stick to it.
2. Eat healthy.
3. Workout.
4. Pick up a hobby.
5. Socialize and not just closet yourself. Talk to people/ hangout with friends.
Finally, if strangers react badly to u, well... the best thing to do would be to ignore them. When in public places, keeping your earphones with you is a wonderful way to ignore and get away awkward and annoying situations. Play your favorite music and tune out anyone you do not wish to listen to. This however does not mean that you become a loner, if you are out with friends, engage one of your companions in a conversation in order to distract yourself.
Dealing with people is never easy, trying to play the social game when you are not at your 100% is certainly more difficult. The smallest of comments can set you off and escalate the situation. It is also not wrong to expect and need support from your loved ones. However, others will only help you if you are willing to help yourself too. When you are in that mind frame, you seem to have lost all interest and drive that you had for anything. However, you are your greatest asset and if you can push past that stage and decide that you are going to get better, you definitely will and with time, it will get easier.
Cheers to getting better and winning all your battles. And remember, "What doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger!"
“Throughout it all, you are still, always, you: beautiful and bruised, known and unknowable.”
―
Tell us your experiences or solutions to any such situations in the comments section below.
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