PS: Its Not A Phase
A lot of people believe mental illness and depression to be a phase or a stunt to gain sympathy or attention, especially if it is in the case of teenagers. This dismissive behavior is often the cause of a lot of friction at home, where people feel that they will not gain the support that they need, that no one can help them out or they will not be able to understand their issues. Indeed, that may well be the case too... what might seem like a monumental problem to one person might seem like something trivial to someone else. However, they should refrain from passing judgement or making negative and belittling comments about it as it will not only upset the person but also push them further away from you.
This is turn leads to negative coping mechanisms, substance abuse, alcoholism and self harm. A lot of people meet the concept of self harm with a lot of incredulity - again , understandable, since there is not a lot of information available about it, even today, in such a tech savvy world where everything from groceries to entertainment to doctors is available at the click of a button. When people discover someone who self harms or for that matter, uses negative coping mechanisms to deal with their stress, they either call it just a phase, which makes it sound dismissive, they may call it joining a fad... or "going emo" which makes it stereotypical or they may react very aggressively. All of these reactions however do not help the person and more often than not worsen the situation.
However, it is important to understand, it is not just a phase, the person must be feeling really alone and helpless in order to resort to self harm. Its not like its a game, that you pick up the blade and start carving into your skin. Unfortunately, the pain , while it helps momentarily, only worsens the suffering when you are not in control.
Even when you think you are over that phase, you have followed all the correct positive activities, coping mechanisms and all, yet there is a voice in the back of your head.... pushing you, urging you, every single minute of every single day to let it win, to give in and to fall back into the pit.
It is very easy for a bystander to suggest techniques to overcome it, or for that matter to simply suggest to "Stop This Nonsense", but unless and until you have been through that situation, it is impossible to understand the mental state and the amount of inner strength it takes to come out of it. One can never understand the shame that they feel every single time they see their scars. their fears of discovery, of ridicule, their disgust and self loathing when they see what damage they have caused, and to understand their will to survive and fight out of this situation.
Standing on the outside, you will probably never guess their struggles unless they let you in and for that to happen they need your support, your calm and steady presence, not your aggression or disappointment. One may think, but if they are hurting, why don't they reach out for help? why don't they let people in?. Its because if there is one thing that almost every one of them has perfected, it is the mask, the wall behind which they feel safe when taking on the world.
It is not easy to get up every single day, to smile, to go around doing everything as normal if you aren't at your 100%, yet the same people whom one might ridicule for being weak manage to do this task which requires a herculean effort on their end.
So understand this, no it is not a phase, no they are not doing it for attention and yes they do need your support and love not your derision or pity. They are some of the strongest people in the world and they will come out of their dark times even stronger than before.
Cheers to getting better and staying better!
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